I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
