so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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