I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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