I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Randomize