How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
