I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
