I need help removing her.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize