i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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