You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
