Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
