Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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