the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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