Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
