ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
