If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
