Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
