I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
