I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I bet he comes in French.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
