Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
