Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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