I feel great
I just peed on a car
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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