do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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