I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
