the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
