it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
