At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I yelled at your uterus for you.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
