I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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