No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
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