I just threw up on my dentist
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
