today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The best revenge is premature balding
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
