Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize