The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
