should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
