the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Porn is love you can see.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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