She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
