the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
