maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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