ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
