yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
