I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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