I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
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