I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I think my moral compass just broke
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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