Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
