Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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