god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
