life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I just want nice things and good sex
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
