my phone needs a breathalizer
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Randomize
