Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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