people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
