I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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