Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize