I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
