I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
