i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
