he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
