nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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