i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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