Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
