Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Randomize
