Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
