I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Don't EVER smell your tampon
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
