careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
