Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
