i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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