I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
