i already hear my dad disowning me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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