Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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