I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
