and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
