Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
