U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
