I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
you are never too drunk for berry picking
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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